How do I love myself? Self-love can be a difficult challenge. ❤️

Do you ever find yourself asking “How do I love myself?”

There are many variations of this question.

“How should I love myself?”
“How do I start loving myself?”
“How can I love myself again?”
“How can I love myself more?”
“How can I love myself more daily?”

Each question can tell us something unique.

Many people search online for ways they can begin to love themselves. You are not alone.

Perhaps you’re sitting alone behind your computer screen or propped in the bed on your phone with a sense of anxiety that has a death grip on your soul.

You simply feel unloved. This is an awful feeling that can make us wish we’d never been born at times.

Hopefully, this article will provide insight about how to start loving yourself.

Let’s explore each question you may find yourself asking:

“How should I love myself?”

Everyone grows up in a unique environment where love is defined by the actions we observe around us.

Some say we have innate knowledge of what love means, despite our upbringing.

In addition, many religions spell out the specifics of loving, therefore we may learn to love based on religious tenants.

As a result, we’re unsure of how to love ourselves because we’re unsure of the “right” way.

No one should dictate to you what loving looks like.

Moreover, if you’re looking for another person or religion to validate your journey, you may want to take a deep breath and look within first.

Consequently, we find it difficult because we don’t inherently believe we have the power or permission to know what kind of love we need.

You have the power to discover the love you desire

You can start by observing how you treat your loved ones (assuming you have the best intentions of loving).

Do you speak positively to them? Are their wishes always ahead of yours? Do you consider their opinions and respect their ideas? Are you forgiving when they breach one of your boundaries?

If the answer is no, you’ve discovered an opportunity to start loving yourself the way you “should.”

The way we love someone else is often how we desire to be loved.

Teach others by loving yourself first

As a result, it may be counter-intuitive when we try to treat ourselves like we treat others.

For example, how can we put someone’s wishes ahead of ours while at the same time putting our wishes first?

How can you love yourself and someone else at the same time?

Think about it, you might always compliment someone else, change your schedule for them, and accommodate their wishes, yet still feel unloved by them.

You are loving someone else the way you want to be loved.

They will not respond accordingly, because they too have not learned how to love you. They might also be feeling unloved even though you work so hard to show them your love.

You can’t love others until you love yourself (Cliché but true!)

So what does this have to do with loving yourself?

It is very difficult to continue loving others when it isn’t reciprocal. But the most difficult part, is that in the process of loving someone else, we don’t show ourselves the same courtesy.

This will cause resentment and even more self-hatred. Not only are we feeling unloved, but we refuse to put ourselves first, talk positively to our soul, and forgive ourselves just like we forgive others.

So, it’s safe to say that you should love yourself the way you want to be loved.

Do you want someone to send you flowers?
Buy yourself a mixed bouquet at the grocery store.

Would you prefer if someone shows you tough love?
Discipline yourself to hit the gym instead of stopping by the drive-through.

Whatever it is, however you want to be loved, reveals the way you “should” love yourself.

“How do I start loving myself?”

Once you determine how you should love yourself, it may be difficult to get started.

Here’s why. Bad habits are hard to break. If you are in the habit of telling yourself you’re stupid, it will be extremely difficult and very awkward to start telling yourself, “I’m pretty awesome.”

It may seem very odd to start doing for yourself what you wish others would do for you.

Have you always dreamed of a taking a canoe out at dawn or dusk with a loving partner?

Try doing this alone (assuming it would be safe).

Yes, at first it will feel out of character for you. You will feel like your new efforts to love yourself are lame substitutes for receiving this love from someone else.

But something curious will happen.

By loving you, others will 🖤 you too

When you jumpstart your love life by loving you, others will take notice and naturally treat you more lovingly.

It will take some time to feel natural when you setup regular appointments to get your nails done or head out for some quiet time alone.

But, you have to start somewhere. Trust yourself to navigate your soul.

The more you learn how, the easier it will become.

The amazing result is that once you start loving yourself, others will know how to start loving you.

“How can I love myself again?”

This question insinuates that you once loved yourself but something happened and you stopped loving yourself.

Sometimes we can’t identify a single moment in time when we stopped loving ourselves. We just gradually let ourselves go by failing to set boundaries.

You may have been sadly surprised by something that happened in a relationship you thought was going well.

There’s a chance you excused an unloving action from someone else, without communicating your true hurt.

Many haven’t experienced any major life surprises yet. Our innocence hasn’t been marred and we feel like the world is our oyster.

But for whatever reason, now you’ve stopped loving yourself, and you’re on a quest to remember how.

Rekindle your love for you

It could be that you’re mad at yourself for doing something bad or you feel disappointed that someone betrayed your trust.

You may need to forgive yourself for being blind to their antics. Or, you may need to forgive them for intentionally hurting you. It’s possible you’ve hurt someone else and instead of forgiving yourself, you’re stuck in a loop of guilt and self-loathing.

The good news is, if you’ve loved yourself before, you have a great starting point for loving yourself again.

Most of the time, forgiveness is the catalyst for re-awakening self-love.

“How can I love myself more?”

O.k. so you’re really on top of things. You’re like, “Hey, I already love myself!”

Well, there’s nothing wrong with upping your game. There might be a few nagging habits of self deprecation that you can’t quite kick.

Maybe you still make jokes about yourself in public because you’re afraid deep down of loving yourself TOO much.

What if someone thinks you’re a self-serving jerk? What if someone mistakes your confidence for arrogance?

It’s possible that others who haven’t learned to love themselves will break ties with you because you’ve become “too much” for them to handle. They can feel pretty uncomfortable and outright jealous of another person who has learned how to set boundaries and spoil themselves once in a while.

You can love yourself more by paying close attention to what gets under your skin on a daily basis.

Pay attention to what throws you off balance

What causes you the most distress in a day’s time? What steps can you take to eliminate any lingering negativity in your life?

Perhaps you’ve learned to love yourself on most days, but on other days you put up a wall and refuse to be vulnerable with your loved one. Self love isn’t a safety net for never getting hurt. It’s an opportunity to be open to the pain of others around you.

Once you achieve a level of comfort with yourself and you’ve gained the confidence to look deeper inside, you may find that there are people from your past who you still hold animosity toward.

In summary, the way to love yourself more, is to listen to yourself more. Also, don’t be afraid to look in the mirror. What are others reflecting back to you? This may indicate areas where you still have room to grow.

“How can I love myself more daily?”

Now that you’ve pinpointed how you should love yourself, how to start loving yourself, how to love yourself again, and how to love yourself more–don’t minimize the importance of making self-love a habit.

In relationships with others, it takes discipline to show acts of kindness on a daily basis.

As beautiful as it is for love to bloom, it must also be watered. If you were brave enough to jump in the deep end of loving yourself, you have the strength to make self-love a habit.

Don’t rely on spontaneity when it comes to loving yourself.

Schedule regular date nights with yourself without the pressure to please anyone else.

Don’t go a whole month without taking a bubble bath.

Make acts of kindness to yourself an expected part of your schedule.

Prioritize you.

Conclusion

In conclusion, we hope you’ve found some answers to your question, “How do I love myself?” No one on this planet can love you like you. If you don’t know who you are, what you like and how you want to be loved–how can you expect this from someone else?

Learn to love yourself and watch the world get in line.

LoveLifeLinks.com hopes you’ll find the power within to start loving yourself.

Remember, you can feel love anywhere, anytime, all the time.