You’re likely here because someone hurt you. You’re trying to figure out how to forgive someone who broke your heart.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. We’re all familiar with phrases like “I can forgive, but I can’t forget.” or “Not forgiving someone, hurts you more than it hurts them.”
However, clichés will only take us so far on our journey of forgiveness.
With some quick Google keyword research, we discovered several topics of interest involving forgiveness: forgiving yourself & others, cheating, abuse, timeframe of forgiveness, recurring offenses, lack of remorse for wrongdoing, and letting go of guilt & bitterness.
Covering those aspects of forgiveness, we hope these 5 tips will give you strength to forgive and/or seek forgiveness.
Forgiveness can lead to restored love.
5 Tips on how to forgive someone who broke your heart
1. Showing grace to yourself and others is the foundation of forgiveness.
It hurts when someone lies to us, cheats on us, or crosses our boundaries. We often ask ourselves,
“What did I do to deserve this?”
You question your sanity and second-guess your worth.
But when you look deep within and realize you’re just as capable of hurting someone else–you’re slower to judge.
Many of the offenses committed against us are a result of insecurity or fear, not malicious intent.
Perhaps you didn’t grow up in the same environment as the offender. But you’ve probably told a smaller lie. So it’s crucial to admit that every single “small sin” has the potential to become an even bigger sin.
Living according to grace means we recognize our own humanity. We know it is futile to judge someone else because we may find ourselves in a similar situation one day.
Does grace mean turning a blind eye to someone’s sin against you and allowing them to hurt you again and again? No. That leads us to our second point.
2. Accountability and setting boundaries accelerates forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean excusing someone’s offense or allowing the behavior to continue. If you cheated on someone else, part of the healing process will be to admit you’ve done wrong and offer your partner accountability going forward.
Conversely, if someone has betrayed your trust, the only way for you to continue in a relationship with them is to express your feelings of hurt and anger, hold them accountable by setting clear boundaries, and agree on consequences should another breach of trust occur.
This will allow time to heal your wounds, so that you can move toward forgiveness. Of course, if you are not willing to forgive yourself or to forgive someone else–your relationship is at risk.
3. You can forgive someone without their admittance of guilt and wrongdoing.
But let’s say, when it comes to cultivating an environment where trust can be restored in your relationship, you are at an impasse.
Can you forgive someone when they will not admit wrongdoing? Is it possible to forgive someone who shows no remorse?
When the offending party remains aloof about their offense, forgiveness becomes even more difficult. But, continuing to carry a grudge will feed your own bitterness, ultimately leading to unhappiness and even health problems.
Bitterness will close you off to future relationships. In some cases, your inability to forgive will damage your relationship with the offender even more, but it will also strain your relationship with close family and friends.
In cases of divorce, it could make co-parenting a nightmare.
Whether someone is willing to seek your forgiveness or not, it’s vital to work toward forgiveness by extending cordiality and cooperation. This will serve as a starting point for genuine forgiveness that has deep roots in humility.
4. Not all offenses are equal when it comes to forgiveness.
Some of us have experienced abuse. These instances of abuse, whether verbal or physical leave open wounds that others will never understand.
How is it even possible to think of forgiving someone who habitually hurt you, demeaned your personhood, crossed your intimate boundaries, and financially or mentally controlled you?
These types of experiences create the opportunity for divine intervention. Sometimes, it’s only by God’s infinite grace, that our painful memories fade into the background enough for us to begin our journey of forgiveness.
For others, we struggle to even forgive a smaller offense–perhaps a lie that our children told us, or a withholding of information from our spouse.
Whether we are facing Mt. Everest, or a molehill–forgiveness is one of the biggest challenges we’ll face in life.
Remember, all offenses are not equal and some wounds take longer to heal.
5. Forgiveness is not linear.
For those of you who think there’s a 5-Step Plan to forgiveness, there’s not.
If you’re reading a book that promises a magical sense of forgiveness at the end of the rainbow, stop reading.
Forgiveness can be a messy process that makes us feel like we’ve made progress one day, but suddenly takes us straight to the painful memory of betrayal on another day. We say,
“I thought I’d already moved past those mistakes.”
“Why can’t I forgive myself?”
“Why do I still remember their breach of trust like it was yesterday?”
If you seek forgiveness vigilantly, you’ll experience forgiveness.
Despite your painful journey, one day you’ll look back on the challenge and feel unbreakable strength you’ve gained from your past. You’ll be able to share your mistakes and relationship hurdles with your children or circle of influence in hopes to protect and equip them for their own future.
Your relationships will become stronger than you ever imagined possible. Your pain will reveal the beauty and reward of working through the hard times.
You’ll judge less and give the benefit of the doubt more.
You’ll begin to see others through the eyes of compassion.
Conclusion
We know forgiveness is an uphill climb. The good news is that you’re reading this article now. You’re seeking forgiveness or you desperately want to forgive.
You’re ready to let go of the pain that’s eating away at you.
Show yourself grace. Be patient and refuse to judge yourself for what is sometimes slow progress.
You’ll look back on this trial and feel proud that you learned how to forgive someone who broke your heart.
LoveLifeLinks.com believes forgiveness is a crucial aspect of restoring and protecting love.
Remember, you can feel love anywhere. Anytime. All the time.
