Does “falling in Love” last? Or is it better to choose love? 🤔

Research findings on “falling in love”

Around two decades ago, I was obsessed with researching the notion of “falling in love.” 

I was motivated by a personal mission to discover why so many people reportedly “fall in” love but end up “falling out” of love. 

While I was very keen on the notion of falling in love with someone, I experienced much dread over the idea that the love wouldn’t last.  So, my intent was to discover if falling in love was a worthy aim. 

My research wasn’t particularly scientific. I asked a set of questions that inquired about how people fell in love. I wanted to know how they defined love.

At what precise moment did they fall out of love?

Did they ever consider love to be a choice?

My qualitative research eventually got lost in the land of AOL message boards and an expired email account. But I’ve never forgotten what I discovered. 

1) Longevity is a choice (even when you fall in love) 

Many people I surveyed reported “falling” in love. But they most always spoke of difficult relationship challenges, which ultimately ended in separation or divorce.

However, some couples weathered the storm and continued to choose love.

My conclusion was that if two people mutually decide to stick it out once they’ve fallen out of love, there’s a good chance their love can last a lifetime. 

The research found that falling in love eventually turns into a choice anyway. So, I decided to choose my partner based on logic upfront. Forget falling in love! I would not wait to tumble into some deep abyss of unpredictable emotions. 

Instead, I chose a partner based on logic with the hopes of streamlining the process of courtship. I’d eliminate any sad surprises that might have resulted from being “high” on love.

I didn’t want to come crashing down with disillusionment.  

But despite my best efforts at controlling love, I also learned that sometimes love doesn’t give us a choice.

2) Love is not always a choice (sometimes you fall in love anyway)

Initially, I chose love before it had a chance to choose me.

“Choosing to love would put me in a position of controlling the outcome of my relationship long-term,” I thought. 

However, to my surprise, I also discovered love is not always a choice. Sometimes love happens spontaneously–catching us off guard in a way that is beyond words.

In this case, we learn that even our best efforts will not protect us from getting hurt. We cannot put love in a box. Love is an unruly force.

When it comes to love, we are at the mercy of both unpredictable passion and calculated choices.

Maybe as a hopeless romantic, you magically fell in love with someone. But, you recently fell out of love with the ideal of “till death do us part.”

Or, perhaps you approach relationships like I initially did. You have a logical mindset that demands your potential mate must fit a baseline criteria.

You won’t open your heart until someone checks all the boxes.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter whether your relationship begins as a Shakespearean drama or an intentional research project. You’ll eventually learn that both falling in love and making a choice to love are fluid states of existence.

3) Loving requires self-discovery

In summary, love demands we go through a process of self-discovery and self acceptance.

Holding on too tight to our ideal love is a recipe for disaster.

Love can be a pleasant surprise or a well charted journey.

Regardless, our fear of love is rooted deep inside.

Therefore, it’s important to accept what scares us most in relationships. 

Look in the mirror and accept your true reflection.

Stop judging yourself based on the condition of your relationship, no matter how it began.

Finally, you’ll accept vulnerability as a condition of love. You’ll accept the core of who you’re meant to become, as a co-conspirator of love.

LoveLifeLinks.com believes you can look deep within to find the love you always knew existed.

Remember, you can feel love anywhere. Anytime. All the time.