Stop being a people pleaser | Start saying NO

People pleasers don’t like to say no

Being a pushover doesn’t happen overnight and once you’ve developed a self defeating pattern, it’s very difficult to learn how to stop being a people pleaser.

It’s scary when your thoughts are incongruent and you overthink how others will perceive you if you say no.  The inability to say no is one of the toxic byproducts of being a people pleaser.

I always feel a need to explain and give sappy heartfelt explanations as to why my answer is simply “no.”

As I descend down this rabbit hole of pleasing others, I do so with an irrational fear about what will escape my mouth next and how others may perceive me as a bad person if I don’t do what they want. 

Why is saying “no” so painstakingly difficult for some while others seem to carry “no” as their personal motto? 

Some of us feel irrationally obligated to explain when we can’t or don’t want to meet the expectations of others, yet some escape the inane requests of others altogether.  

Many people carry “no” as their badge of honor. We learn not to ask those people for anything because we’re certain no is always their final answer.

Leaders should not try to please all people

I often do everything except what I actually want or need to do out of a deep seated fear that I must always please people. 

My “No,” is weak, and people can usually sense that I’ll eventually say yes.

Saying no is an incredibly difficult part of leading people.  But it is an essential element of dealing with people successfully.

Good leaders don’t obsessively worry about offending someone. You need to be able to turn down ideas and requests according to your gut as a leader.

Religion can make us unhealthy people pleasers

Sometimes religion complicates our habit of never saying no, because people will use scriptures against us to imply our obligation to comply.

Others take verses like “Turn the other cheek” and “Forgive 70 X 7” out of context.

Before we know it our brand of religion forgets the moments where Jesus said “no” to healing and went to the temple to shake things up and drive out the money changers.

Food for thought

What about you?  Does your “no” cause a clash of the Titans? 

Do you remain a people pleaser just to keep the peace? 

Would you rather say “no” and fight an outward battle with others or “go along to get along” while having a private internal battle with yourself?

How to stop being a people pleaser?

In conclusion, as the article promised, one of the most effective ways to stop being a people pleaser is by simply practicing the art of saying, “no.”

Try saying no when someone least expects it. Put aside your thoughts about what they will think.

You hold the power to decide your yes and no.

Do not give others your power by internalizing their expectations.

Say “no” this week and come back to comment about how it felt. The more you practice, the better you’ll be at eliminating this bad habit of being a people pleaser.

LoveLifeLinks.com hopes this article shines light on the struggles of a people pleaser.

Others will still love you, even when you learn to say no.

Remember, you can feel love anywhere. Anytime. All the time.