Elopement

May 9, 2021

Are you considering elopement?

Elopement is when two people decide to get married, without making formal arrangements to involve others on their special day of love. Eloping is often a last minute, secretive, and hurried decision.

Click to View Table of Contents

There can be tremendous benefits when a couple forgoes a formal wedding.

The lovebirds could:

1. Save a lot of money!

Conservatively, the average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is around $24,723–enough for a down payment on a starter home. You could potentially take half of the money you save by eloping and spend it on a nice honeymoon. An extra 20 grand could pay for a year or two of groceries!

2. Eliminate unnecessary stress

Think about it, eloping could save you from those ridiculous cake tastings. You don’t need to decide where your obnoxious uncle will be seated for the reception. Forget about offending someone by not asking them to be a bridesmaid. You won’t need to deal with blended family situations. In short, you won’t have to worry as much about what people might think, because they won’t even know you’re getting married!

3. Enjoy the moment

Let’s face it, weddings are typically rife with unnecessary fanfare and family drama. This often detracts from the moment when two people commit their lives to love each other ’til death does them part.

The wedding vows can seem like a haze after the bride and groom have spent months, sometimes years, planning the perfect event, only for it to be over in the blink of an eye.

Elopements give the couple a chance to breathe slowly and enjoy the moment without the pressure to “perform” in front of an audience.

But there are downsides to elopement

While it may seem like I just made a pretty good argument for elopement, I actually want to point out some of the finer nuances of what it means to elope versus going all out to plan a beautiful wedding.

I have two sisters, and I was the one who decided to forego a huge wedding. While I didn’t elope, my small wedding ceremony was planned THE DAY OF and cost around $1500.00.

For months I looked at options for my wedding, but in my mind, nothing could justify spending money (or my parents spending money) that we simply didn’t have.

My brother, on the other hand, decided to elope. While he didn’t have to deal with seating arrangements, exorbitant costs, and sticky in-law situations, he did have to accept my mom’s hurt feelings about his decision to exclude the family from his day.

Sure, if I was independently wealthy, why not throw 20k at a celebration that everyone would remember years to come? But, to me, a simple wedding seemed to be the shoe that fit.

Like I said, my brother actually went to the “extreme” of eloping. My mother loves to tell the story of her cold reaction to him when he called and broke the news.

Her baby boy, the only male child of our family, had decided to go off and get married without anyone knowing. He chose a courthouse wedding, without the blessing of my parents and absent of my mother sitting teary eyed in the front row at the sight of her little boy being all grown up.

He definitely outdid himself on this surprise (I was no longer the wedding black sheep of the family).

Marriage day is YOUR decision

Bottom line is, there are downsides to every approach, whether you have a huge wedding, a small wedding, or go as simple as possible by eloping.

The real question is, what can YOU live with? What will YOU be able to look back on and stomach as the wise or most fitting choice?

While on the positive side, my spouse and I didn’t start our life off with debt, we also forewent inviting certain people to our ceremony because we were keeping it small. I’m sure some were offended by their exclusion.

Plus, we both have fewer fancy pictures and videos to look at when our children are all grown up. We can’t pull out a fancy wedding album when times get tough in our relationship and tearfully reminisce.

In summary, take a look at the wedding photos I’ve included from my ceremony and my sister’s weddings. You’ll see there’s a common theme, no matter the size or formality of a ceremony.

We all expect to live happily ever after. But eventually we also discover that marriage is way more than the exchange of rings and saying the first “I do.”